The Thin Line: Renhai No. 217

by Vaughn Seward (vs) & John Daleiden (jd)

At the school
a child raises a flag—
the sound of singing.       /jd

 

Two standing soldiers       /vs
a broken rose blossom.        /jd

Sugar plum fairy
dancing—her music box
winds down.       /vs

 

in Renhai Studio

Archive Id: 217
Vaughn Seward: Canada
John Daleiden: USA
Written: December 6, 2009 - February 18, 2010

Theme: Delicate beauty
Season: Winter
Kigo: Nutcracker
Verse Form: 2-3-2, 3-3, 2-3-2 (Rhythm)
Process: Forward

Links 1/2: Serving country.
Links 2/3: Broken / Winding down; Rose / Plum.
Links 3/1: Music box / Singing.

Notes: Vaughn started this renhai from the Esperanto line "du starantaj soldatoj" (two standing soldiers) and John agreed to collaborate in English (Vaughn wrote his lines in Esperanto and translated John's lines into Esperanto). The Esperanto version: La Maldika Linio

         Cxe la lernejo
         infan' altigas flagon —
         son' de kantado.

         Du starantaj soldatoj—
         rompita bela rozflor'.

         Suker-prun-fein'
         danca —la muzik-skatol'
         malstrecxigxadas.

Copyright © 2007-2012 — Vaughn Seward & John Daleiden — All rights reserved